Day 72

It’s time to make a decision about what’s next for Allen. Yesterday, after my conversation with Ling’s parents, I told his mom that they could allow him to try living on his own, but I would include this requisite: If Ling doesn’t score 3 or higher on his AP Psych exam, then he should immediately return to China and take a gap year.  (It would be proof that he isn’t ready to be on his own.)

However, I had forgotten an anecdote from earlier that day (Thursday afternoon) – and it is symbolic of where Ling is at right now.  I had bought him a snack on Wednesday afternoon.  He took it inside his apartment and ate it, however, he left the container on the kitchen counter – and it remained there until I saw it on Thursday afternoon.

This was normal for Ling when he arrived here in early January. But I used positive and negative reinforcement and Ling improved for this and many other small things.  Small, but important things.

And yet, living on his own, he has regressed right back to his old habits.  And today, when I arrived this afternoon, he had been sleeping most of the day because he was up most of the night. (He has his smartphone again.)

So I am rescinding my advice from yesterday (to his mom) and I am recommending that his parents change his environment immediately.  Nothing is more important than getting this right. (I had shown Ling what I recommended to his mom, and if he is reading this daily, he’ll see that I have changed my mind. But he will not read this – it is not his priority. It should be (work first!) but it isn’t.

Oh yes, so apparently Ling gets up today at 3, and he hasn’t done any studying yet.  And this evening, he will go and see his special friend.  I doubt that Ling will do much, if any studying today.

Day 71

In the last 24 hours, Ling has studied 10 pages, and he has written 10 sentences for me. (More on his writing below.)

I don’t know how to judge the efficacy of Ling’s studying. The proof will, however, come out in the May 10th exam. If he is studying well (i.e. learning), then 10 pages per day will be enough for him to get by (i.e. to earn a passing grade.)

I have spoken with Ling about his college courses, how not all courses are created equal. What I mean is, not every course has the same utility. Psychology and economics are both highly useful, and having comprehensive knowledge of them will definitely enhance his life. Other courses simply don’t have the same utility and it is on those courses where it is acceptable to do just enough to get by.  In other words, Ling should be working much harder on this course instead of just doing the bare minimum.

The last two days Ling has written a couple of really great – poetic – sentences. This proves to me that he has this ability. So now the challenge is to get him to consistently perform at this higher level.

Today is Ling’s 7th day without his phone. I told him today that if he completed 12 pages today, then tomorrow I would allow him to keep his phone.  We’ll soon see how this works out.

Day 70

Between yesterday and today – the last 24 hours – Ling studied four pages of his AP Psych study guide. I explained to him that he should be studying 20 pages per day.  Once again, he insisted that he would between today and tomorrow, and that if he didn’t, then I should take away his phone – forever.  (haha)

Please understand that he didn’t have his phone in the last 23 hours.  That is, I allow him to have it for just one hour every afternoon, during our visit.  Then I take the phone home with me.

I regret to say that I don’t believe that my own efforts are working. Therefore we need to face the hard truth that Ling isn’t yet ready for college.  At this point, I would suggest choosing a school, and immediately asking for a gap year from that school. Next, I would place Ling in an “outdoor adventure” type of program. Or a farm internship type of program. Some place where he is required to do hard, physical work AND will not have access to modern technology.

I have discovered that Ling has no appreciation for hard work. (And by this, I don’t only mean physical, I also mean mental.) He has not learned the joy of tackling a hard task; he has not learned the joy of a job well done. 

Ling hasn’t yet learned this basic truth:

“Every valuable thing is hard to do. And the more valuable it is, the more difficult to complete it is.”

In just a year or three, our ability to teach it to him will be gone. It’s now or never.

Day 69

Ling has had the English version of the AP Psych study guide book for 7 days.  During those 7 days, he has completed just 17 pages of material.  That’s 2.5 pages per day.

I allowed him to have his phone for the weekend, because I didn’t want him to travel without it. I took it back today. I will continue to allow him to have his phone for one hour per day, but I will not give it back to him to keep unless he completes 50% of the study book by April 1st.  And I am not even promising him that.

Ling’s heart is in the right place. He understands what he must do. I don’t believe that I am having success in instilling in him the self-discipline that he lacks. I continue to tighten the screws, and we can see if that works. But I am not optimistic about it.

I wish that I had better news.

Day 68

I spoke with Ling this afternoon, he’s back in his own apartment after his relaxing weekend.  I will see him tomorrow and we’ll see how much progress he has made on his studying.

We both enjoyed the break and I’m sure that it was good for both of us.

Day 67

Ling and I are both enjoying a couple of days away from each other. We’ve been together, every day, for over two months.

Day 66

Ling and his friend didn’t go to Orlando this weekend. I’m not sure why, but he’s still in Gainesville. (They did go out for dinner this evening.)

Ling had completed some extra work yesterday, in preparation for a weekend trip. I’m hoping that he did the same today. He definitely has work to do. More information later.

Yesterday, he played basketball with some African-Americans. He admitted that they were all better players than him. (Previously, he only had me, an old, short, white guy to play against.  haha)  So the other Americans put him in his place. (Reminded him of what real basketball looks like, and that Ling isn’t nearly as good as he might have thought that he was.)  Humility can be a good thing.

Day 65

I insisted that Ling couldn’t travel without me having a verifiable identification of his travel companion.  Allen (and apparently, his travel companion) thought that I was being excessive. I explained that I was being prudent.

When you hold all of the cards, it’s not that hard to win.  Identification was provided, and I’ll verify it tomorrow before Ling leaves for his weekend trip to Orlando.

Ling continues to do his studying, including his writing for me.  Today I encouraged him to do double work today and tomorrow so that he can enjoy the weekend and not fall behind in his studies. I will make sure that he does enough work over the next few days to cover this weekend’s break.

Also, I will have to let him take his phone on the trip. But I informed him today that he would have to pay me back the 3 days beginning on Monday when he returns.  After that week is up, then I will re-evaluate his performance. Perhaps I’ll allow him to have it every other day as an experiment.  We’ll see then.

Day 64

Another very good day.  And today Ling asked if he could have his phone and computer back, after just two days.  I told him that I may allow him to have it back on Monday. He says that we should try it, as an experiment.  I told him, again, that we might try it on Monday, but not before.

Ling wants to go on a trip to Orlando this weekend with a Chinese woman (aged 27) who apparently works at the University of Florida, aka UF.  She was a part of the group of four Chinese who met together last weekend. (Three of them, including Allen, are potential UF students.)

I’ll need to get Ling’s parents to approve this. If he were my son, because of Allen’s greatly improved performance, I would allow him to try it.

Day 63

Today was a great day for Ling. He did plenty of studying and more importantly, he retained much of it.  I know this for a fact because as we reviewed some items that he needed help with, he very cleverly referenced other new items that he had just learned.  (This is a very important learning technique, and I’m very happy to see that he already knows and uses it.)

I am allowing Ling to use his phone for an hour every afternoon during our visit. This is a short-term solution. We have to hurry up and get him disciplined in just a couple of months before the next school year when he will be on his own.

IF Ling will apply himself every day, like today, then he will pass this AP exam. Perhaps the best thing about today was that Ling himself was happy with himself – with his discipline to do the necessary work (in this case, studying.) We have to make this a habit.

We have been playing chess almost every day for about a month. I have been taking it easy on Ling as he is learning the game. Last week, we started playing for keeps. (That means, keeping score.)  So far, we have the same record, 3 wins, 3 losses, and 1 tie.  Apparently, I have to not take it so easy on him.

Chess is a great game because when you make a mistake, you usually suffer for it immediately.