Day 62

There is no question in my mind as to whether or not Ling can do college-level work. He can. One question I do have is about his motivation. Another is about his ability to control himself when no one else is watching (or controlling) him.  These are very serious questions.

Robert Reich is an American political commentator, professor, and author. He served in the administrations of Presidents Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton. He was Secretary of Labor from 1993 to 1997. He was a member of President-elect Barack Obama’s economic transition advisory board.

Robert Reich explained in 2015, “Why College Isn’t (And Shouldn’t Have to Be) For Everyone.” Reich cited a figure that far more often appeared in conservative critiques of higher education: “In 2014, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, 46 percent of recent college graduates were in jobs that don’t even require a college degree.”

I am not trying to dissuade you, or anyone, from getting an education. I am trying to persuade you that in the 21st century, there are many different ways to become educated. And that you must become educated.

For whatever reason, Ling isn’t ready for school. I will continue to do my best to help him get ready, but I want to be perfectly clear – I don’t believe that he is going to be ready for this Fall.  I think we are not helping him to push him into this when he isn’t ready.  This is not an easy message to deliver. (I feel like I have been trying for a few weeks.)

Today was a much better day – his room was clean, the house rules were followed, etc. But these are really primary-level things. And if I weren’t on top of him, even these wouldn’t be properly completed. As I’ve stated before, I believe that Ling will do whatever he has to do in order for him to gain his freedom (four years of unsupervised college in America.) But as soon as he has it, he will revert to true self.

I think that he still has no true understanding of what he has done wrong. Clearly he understands the words – and I’ve told him numerous times – he just doesn’t think that these things are important. They are.

Day 61

I allowed Ling one hour with his phone today.  He told me that he had messages from his parents, but I’m unsure if he answered them, or not.

Ling insisted that he can do better in the apartment – which basically means, he could have done better before. But he didn’t care about it. Now that he cares, because he is in trouble, he’ll do better.

To be clear, I will allow him one hour every day on his phone, so he can reply to your messages and to his friends.  I do not want to totally cut him off from everyone.

Oh yes, he was able to go to the meeting this afternoon with two other Chinese students who have been accepted to the University of Florida. Tomorrow I will find out how that went.

Day 60

Ling arrived 2 months ago. He spent the first 7 weeks with me, and he has spent the past 6 days on his own. There is no way to sugarcoat the results – they have been horrible.

A brief recap. When Ling arrived here, he was sleepwalking through life. He literally left his luggage at the airport. He only thought of it after we were 40 minutes away from the airport. Even that very first day, in the car, on the way back to the airport, he was on his phone with his friends back in China. Ling spends no time thinking about things other than his friends back home in China, video games and some Chinese literature. (I believe that it is science fiction.  There is nothing wrong with this.)

What made his situation even worse was the fact that he had so many bad habits. Below are some real examples:

Leaving the light on when he left a room.
Leaving the door open when he went outside (even if the heat or air conditioning was on.)
Leaving his suitcase at the airport.
Leaving his phone in a public bathroom.
Leaving the water running (albeit slowly) at the bathroom faucet.

And worst of all, smoking. Worst because cigarettes are still the WORLD’S #1 KILLER.

Of course, like all of us, Ling had bigger issues, principally, a lack of self-discipline. Secondarily, he doesn’t like to read English. As I have written before, most of us suffer from a lack of self-discipline to varying degrees. Otherwise, none of us would be fat. Or smoke. Or drink. And so on.

But first things first. So we spent 7 weeks together and I watched him like a hawk – apart from the privacy of his bedroom and bathroom – literally 24/7. I gently prodded Ling, encouraged him, disciplined him. (I took away his cellphone on four separate occasions.)  And Ling slowly, but surely improved. Putting it simply, he paid more attention to these types of details.  He did well enough that I thought that he could try living outside of direct supervision.

Today, just 6 days after moving into an apartment with two other University of Florida students, I received a phone call from the landlord. Here is an abbreviated report:

Ling:

Leaves lights on
Leaves the outside balcony door open – Ling is ‘air conditioning the world’
Leaves garbage out (doesn’t clean up after himself with regards to food)
Smokes* cigarettes on the balcony (smoking is forbidden in the apartment, including the balcony)
Stays up all night playing computer/phone/tv games
Stays up all night chatting with his Chinese friends (via the internet)
Turns off the air conditioning at night, thereby making the rest of the occupants hot

There was probably more – she was upset and she had a right to be. The other occupants are students, engaged in their school work. That makes Ling’s presence disruptive.

I drove straight over to talk with Ling. I had him come outside and we went for a ride. I reviewed all of the landlady’s critiques with him. He didn’t deny any of it. (It was all true.) Ling hadn’t smoked, even once, since he arrived. But now he was bored. Of course, he has work to do – studying to do. He hasn’t done much of that either. More than 3 weeks ago we registered him for the May 10th AP Psych exam and I sent him a link to the book that he needed to obtain and learn. He still doesn’t even have that book.

So, we returned to the apartment and went upstairs so that I could retrieve both his phone and his computer.  The apartment was unusually hot. Ling had left the balcony door open. The garbage from his lunch was on the dining room table and the kitchen counter.  The situation was as bad as you can imagine.

Ling knows the right things to do. And he knows how to do them. He simply doesn’t want to do them. He complained about being bored out in the countryside – and that was understandable. But that wasn’t a good reason to not be studying. I said then that the problem isn’t his location (that’s just geography). The problem is him. He doesn’t know what he wants, and worse, he doesn’t want to find out. Maybe I should say that he’s too lazy to find out. He is literally surrounded by 60,000 other students, so his old excuse is no longer valid. And still he spends all day and night inside, in his apartment, with his friends in China.

These next two paragraphs are very important.

I repeat, his body is in America, but his heart and mind are both still in China. He does not want to be here. He does want to have no responsibility and total freedom. That is not sustainable. And it leads to a life of ruin.

I am now very clear about Ling’s intentions: He wants to survive and get through these six months with me, so that then he can come to America and have another four years of ‘surviving’ in university.  He’ll graduate – the universities don’t care if you learn anything, only that you pay them a quarter of a million dollars for the four years – but he won’t learn anything of value. After that, he’ll manage to get one or two jobs, but this ‘cheating’ will catch up to him. And when it does, he’ll be 28-30 years old and it will really be too late.

Ling promised me this afternoon that he will change. He wanted me to leave him his phone. I told him that I had already given him many chances and that he had thrown them away. I know that he believes it when he promises to change.  But Ling will not change. He cannot change, not without a drastic intervention. I’m talking about something much stronger than I can provide. Something like this boot camp. And that will only work if he really wants it to.

If you insist that Ling earn an American university degree, then I believe that Penn State is your best option. But only through their online program that I wrote about yesterday. Ling will be accepted into this program – it is a separate application, but the deadline is still 2 months away.  In this program, he can stay in China, under your close supervision and still earn an American degree.

I have always spoken very directly with my students and their parents. I believe it is a critical responsibility of being a Laoshi. And being a Laoshi is an honor that I cherish.

I think that you should bring Ling back to China now. Perhaps put him in that boot camp. Perhaps make him get a regular, low-paying menial labor job. Not forever, but for now.

I do not know what else I can do to help Ling. It is clear that he can wear a mask and pretend to be one way, and still, on the inside, be another way. I have no doubt that he can do this for four more months here.  But what is the purpose of that?  As soon as he leaves, or is on his own in an American university, he will take off the mask and start smoking again. Leave lights on again. Leave doors open again. Spend his life playing games.

It’s far more critical that Ling get better now. There is always 2020 for a university education. (Ling could take a gap year.) But if he doesn’t get these basics right, a university degree won’t matter.  For example, “Over 317,000 [American] waiters and waitresses have college degrees (over 8,000 of them have doctoral or professional degrees), along with over 80,000 bartenders, and over 18,000 parking lot attendants.” [According to the U.S. census of 2010.]

I could make Ling do menial labor here – for free, as he is unable to legally work here. And this might work, but he will be truly miserable. And I don’t believe that he’ll learn what he really needs to learn (i.e. discipline.) What he really needs is to be in a 24/7 program where he is constantly monitored.  I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t realize the extent of his problems until now. (Ling is so clever that he hides these problems well enough.) His situation is truly an emergency.

*Our deal where I double his money has literally gone up in smoke. I won’t take away the money that I have already given him, but there is no way that I am going to ever give money to anyone for them to end up using it to buy cigarettes.

Day 59

Ling and I had a discussion today about his lack of motivation to study.  And the fact that while his body is in America, his heart (dearest friends) and mind (thoughts) are in China.

I told him that I will be taking his phone and computer away from him on Monday. On Sunday, he will meet up with other Chinese students who have been accepted into the University of Florida. I didn’t want him to miss this, and his phone is his method of communication.  And it’s for this reason that I will allow him to have his phone for 1 hour each day.

The more I think about Ling’s situation, the more I think that Ling should attend Penn State, but online.  He will receive the exact same education that he would receive in the classroom but from a location of his (and his parent’s) choosing. Oh yes, the academic tuition is also identical. The financial difference is that you are not paying room and board for Ling to live on campus in America.  He might live at home with his parents for the first semester.  London the second. Paris the third, Beijing the fourth and so on.

If he were my son, I’d have him enrolled in Penn State (online) and live in Paris for year 1, and Montreal or Quebec Canada for year 2. During this time, he would master the French language. (And by master, I mean become functionally literate in spoken communication.)  For year 3, he’d live in Madrid or Barcelona and for year 4, in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

At the end of four years, he’d speak the world’s top four languages: Chinese, English, Spanish and French. He’d have lived in Asia, Europe, North and South America. He’d have earned his Penn State degree.  AND MOST IMPORTANLY, he’d have friends and relationships around the world.  What a gift.

The Chinese have a saying.  Listen, this isn’t my saying, it’s ancient Chinese wisdom:

A journey of a 1,000 miles is better than 10,000 books. This is what I’m proposing for Ling. It’s where I would push him if he were my son. But there is one GIANT caveat.  If he is going to keep his heart and mind in China, and just move his body around the globe, then I wouldn’t waste the money on world travel.

Day 58

There are two important concepts that Ling and I reviewed yesterday.

1. “It’s not about you.” We all suffer from something called ‘vain imagination’.  That is, we naturally tend to imagine that things are about us. Look at these common examples:

A. Those people are talking about me.
B. They don’t want to go with me. And so on.

The truth is, it’s rarely about us. It’s most often about them. Their situation, their issues, their problem and their hurt.

2. People judge instantly, and then look for reasons to prove themselves right. Teachers do this, which is why that first sentence in a paragraph or the first words out of your mouth are so important. We shouldn’t, but we all do this.  What I’m trying to teach Ling is to take advantage of this aspect of human nature.

Today Ling and I discussed, again, the problems that he is having. Primarily this: while his body is here, in America, his mind, eyes and ears are in China.  And how this makes no sense. If his attention is going to be there, then his body might as well be there too.

Below is Ling’s computer and phone usage yesterday. (It will always be a day behind.) I believe that the numbers below are correct, but I’m still not 100% sure.

Day 57

Here is a summary of Ling’s computer and phone usage during the past day.  It is possible to use both the phone and the computer at the same time. (I often do this. I will be researching something on my computer and I will use my phone’s Wechat to send someone a voice message. As far as the monitoring software is concerned, I am using both devices simultaneously. And I am, but not like that sounds.

I’m still learning this software. Both of these reports are for Ling’s phone. I believe that the second one displays the actual usage.

And here are both of the reports for his computer usage:

 

I will have to figure out why the numbers don’t agree. And I will.
But for today, Ling knows that he is being monitored.

Day 56

We only managed to install the monitoring software on Ling’s computer this afternoon. So tomorrow I will post a full day’s worth of Ling’s phone and computer activity. For today, I’d like to show you what Ling and I have been working on for his writing.

Basically, I’m working with him to teach him to start his writing with a sentence that grabs the audience’s attention. Something that makes the audience want to read or listen to more. So the blue is Ling’s writing, and the red is how I would have written it.

This lesson is a classic example of why I wanted Ling to write multiple paragraphs, so that I could easily identify (and show him) his bad habits. Correcting them is fairly easy and will immediately improve Ling’s writing.

Out of the 12 paragraphs, fully six begin with the word ‘today’ and paragraphs I., IV., and VI. have some variation of the same. TALK ABOUT BORING.

The opening sentence (both orally and written) are the key to scoring well. That’s because the reader/listener makes up their mind about your ability (and by extension, intelligence) with the first words that they see or hear. On this front, Ling lost. The writer simply MUST begin their opening with a bang. [The audience – and especially teachers – make up their mind immediately and then spend the rest of the time looking for justifications about their opinions. They always find them.]

Right after each paragraph, IN BOLD ITALICS, I’ve written an alternative to illustrate this point. Learn. Copy. Steal. (It was Picasso who said “Good artists copy, great artists steal.”)

I.

These days we are talking about why people play games. Mr. Nash thinks people play games because they don’t have something more interesting to do like making money. Why are games so popular? Because they give people feedback immediately. My dad and Nash always tells me that if you can delay your happiness, then you will be more successful. It is an important lesson. We gotta learn how to control ourselves. The things I’m doing now, which Nash gives me one dollar everyday and doubles all money i got at the end of the month, is to train me to delay gratification. Anyway, the point is, personally, if i find something more interesting i will spend much less time on gaming.

Games or money, which would you choose?

II.

Today we talk about how to make money. Nowadays, as long as you can attract people’s eyeballs, then you can make money. Yesterday afternoon when we were driving at the high way, we saw a pink bus. This is a bus with GPS on it that everyone can know where it is. When it comes to place where you live, it will has a notification. The point is, in nowadays world, you can make a lot of money if you can get people’s attention. Because then you can sell it to the company who need do advertisement. So, how to attract people become the question.

No, I won’t sell you my eyeballs.

III.

“My friend, love is a verb. Love— the feeling—is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that? Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offered or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.” This is the sentence from a book that Nash read. We had a very great conversation during our way home. I was listening the music and near the end of the music, the lyrics is “even though i still love you, i can’t take anymore.” Nash heard it, and he said: “bullshit, love is forever.” I was confused. What if they broke up, then don’t love each other anymore. Then Nash said love is forever. Because there are other words that means the feeling of love such as i need you i want you but those are not love. Love is forever. Mother and father love their child then the child killed people but they still love the child. Love is forever. Then I said but the love between couples maybe not forever. “Are you talking about sex?” “hahaha no.” “Sounds like sex. Cause that’s what sex is. Don’t confuse sex and love.” Nash said. “But where is that feeling comes from?” I said. “Love is not a feeling. See, this is the point. Love is not a feeling. Feeling are adj, happy, tired, those are adj. But love is a verb. I love you. I will love you forever. I hate you. These are verbs. So when she says I love you but I can’t stay with you, she’s not really love you. She loves you as feeling, but she doesn’t love you as a verb. Love is a verb. To sacrifice. That’s what love mean.”

Your opening here is excellent. It provokes me to read more.

IV.

This night we went to walk as usual. But there’s something difference—-a baseball game. This is the first time that I saw students here since I’ve been here for about two months. It’s so interesting. I don’t know why i felt like this cause i never watch baseball before. Maybe because life now here is too boring. We also saw full moon. The moon was so bright. When i show the photos to my friends, they thought it was morning here. This afternoon! I got! A guitar!!!!! From one of the friends of Mrs. Nash. I was so happy. Finally something interesting!! I always want to learn how to play guitar.

It turned out to be an unusual night’s walk.

V.

Today when we just finished our dinner, I got a great news! I was admitted to learn in Pennsylvania State University!!! I was so happy. This is the third offer that I received. It feels so good. Mrs. Nash and Mr. Nash said congratulations to me. During the way home on the truck, I had a chat with my dad. He asked me how I feel differently when this offer came and the first offer I got. I said when the first offer came, I felt exciting and relieved. Finally got a school to go to. This time just happy.

Nothing beats the feeling of someone telling you “I want you.”

VI.

This morning when I woke up, I got a good news again. I got the offer from Syracuse university. So, up to now, i got four offers in my hand, which is so good. After that I cooked the noodles with milk for brunch. I had to sad, it’s delicious. Then I took a good nap until Nash came back and wake me up. I gotta tell you guys what I saw tonight. When we came back home from our daily walking, I looked up to the sky. What a spectacular view!!!!! I’ve never seen this much stars since I came back from Inner Mongolia in China. They were just blinking and all over the sky. I was totally attracted and just kept watching them without blinking.

Ka-Ching! Another day, another acceptance.

VII.

When I was doing a test, I saw a phrase “put out a fire”. Then I asked Nash what’s that mean. So, putting out fire means to solve emergence.Here’s a good and short lesson. Nash told me that emergency don’t mean important. We all should spend time to do important thing but not deal with emergency. If a company always spend time doing emergency, it means it’s not good.

Congratulations – you didn’t use the word ‘today’ – but this could still be much better. To wit: I’ve put out a lot of fires in my lifetime, without even knowing that that was what I was doing.

VIII.

Today when we were driving to the market, Nash asked his mom Mrs. Nash: “Am i going right?” And Mrs. Nash said yes. Then Nash turned right. But Mrs. Nash said he was wrong, he should just going straight. She thought he was asking is he driving the right direction but Nash was asking about should he turn right. This shows the precise of language. English is very precise. Not like Chinese, he she or it are sounds the same. Every words in English has exact meaning and can show people exactly what you mean.

Is right right?

IX.

What a boring day. But I learned something: birds fly, babies cry, thieves steal, liars lie. Nash told me this when we were watching news about Trump’s lawyer said something bad about him. But he already lied to public once so no one will believe him. It is just a thing that everyone does their job and they won’t change. So don’t put hope on them, because it’s nearly impossible to them to change their nature.

I can literally feel the boredom in your writing. So this is a success – but people still won’t want to read it and your grade will suffer accordingly. If you tell people that something that you’ve written is going to be boring, don’t be surprised when they agree with you. How about: A thing is its nature. So “birds fly, babies cry, thieves steal, and liars lie.”

X.

Today I got my money doubled. I had 117 dollars and doubled to 234 dollars. It feels so good. I feel so happy about it when i got the money. Because I sacrificed for today’s desire and saved the money successfully. This is a very important lesson. People who can delay their happiness will have bigger chance to success. It has a formal name in psychology but I forgot it. So, when we can delay our happiness, to sacrifice today, the reward of next day or next week or next year will be so great.

Nothing beats money growing exponentially.

XI.

Today we woke up at 7.10 a.m. and went for a walk. Grandma’s bed always feel better. I had a really good sleep. After walk I came home cooked the quick noodles watched the micro-economy video which talks about demand curve and psychology. After that I walked to Family Dollar to buy the coke for lunch. We ate pizza for lunch. I took an hour nap then. When I woke up, I went for a long walk on my own for about 2 and a half hours. I also spent an hour more to play with the greatest cat. He’s just so lovely and needed.

Although this sentence is meaningless in English, it’s absolutely the right way to start: Grandma’s bed always feel better.

XII.

Today is Saturday, we woke up at the same time as yesterday. We went for a walk as usual. I cooked noodles when I came back. After breakfast I read novels and watched micro-economy and psychology. For lunch we had sandwich and lemon juice. Then I took a nap. When I woke up we went to see a mobile home which is beautiful. After that I went for a walk alone and had a talk with Charlie who lives across the street. Then played badminton with boys.

Our routine is beginning to feel like a rut.

Day 55

Day 1 in his own place. I don’t avoid reality. There is no good news today. That’s the nice way of saying that today was a bad day.

1. The parental monitoring software for Ling’s computer and phone are not set up. Ling wanted to register as the parent so that he could see exactly what I would be watching. There is nothing wrong with this. On the contrary, this was very clever. (Many people would not be that clever.) The problem is that he didn’t do what was necessary to change it to what it should be. This would have required two things from him: work and thinking. He did neither.

2. It’s 9:30 p.m. and he hasn’t posted any new writing for me.  If I called and asked him about it right now, he would answer that the day isn’t over. That’s true enough, it isn’t. But that totally misses the point.  The very first lesson here is quite simple: WORK FIRST. I doubt that he has done any work or studying today.  Of course, there’s a reason. (People always have excuses; smart people always have multiple excuses.)

3. Ling is having a disagreement with his ‘special friend’. Yes, the one in China. That’s because Ling has never left China. While I cannot deny that his body is in America, his heart and mind are both still in China. If this does not change, then I would strongly recommend that his parents not invest 375,000 RMB ($55,000 USD) per year(1.5 million Yuan for four years) so that Ling can have a piece of paper that really only signifies attendance. (If you attend for four years, even as the worst of students, then you still receive one; if you attend for 3.75 years, and learn more than anyone else, but don’t finish the .25 of a year, then you don’t receive one.) Degree = Certificate of Attendance

[This is why, all around the world, companies have to ‘train’ their new university hires. I’ll post more on this tomorrow. Why, for example, Google no longer requires applicants to have a university degree.]

And later this week, I will post some examples of the writing lessons that I am trying to get Ling to learn.

Day 54

The experiment begins.  Ling will move in with some other college students tonight.  I have installed software (spyware) on both his phone and his computer.  He is aware that his usage is being tracked. And I will most likely be posting the information here.  Here is a quick screenshot of the first few minutes:

Day 53

Tomorrow Ling will begin a new chapter here. He’s going to try living on his own, for a month.  He’ll be living in a 4 bedroom/4 bath apartment with two other University of Florida students. One is an ABC (American born-Chinese), from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and the other is a local, from here in North Central Florida.

Ling knows that we are putting ‘spyware’ on his phone and computer, so we’ll have a complete record of how much time he spends on each device, and what he spends that time doing.  And even though he knows this, the compulsion to do what most teens do on these devices is so strong, that I don’t believe it will change his behavior.  I’m hoping that it opens his eyes to the reality. I think that he honestly believes that his problem (screen addiction) isn’t as severe as it really is.

I’ll be visiting Ling every day, and we’ll continue our discussions about economics and psychology as well as work on his writing.

Ling will also have to be responsible for spending his money. I’m giving him his entire food allowance for the month. And he has the money that he has been saving. (He has done an excellent job of resisting the temptation to spend and has saved most of it. This bodes well for his future.)  But now that he’ll be on his own, it will be a more difficult test.

Of course, we wish him luck. And I’m just 25 minutes away, day or night.

Interesting aside about the parents of the ABC freshman (the parents who own the apartment): the mother is from Wuhan.